As a self-proclaimed loner, I have always walked the thin line between alone and lonely, sometimes without even realising I’d wandered into dangerous territory. Loneliness is a common issue that affects us all at some point in life but can show up in different ways.
Research shows that loneliness is not only a feeling but a public health issue that affects individuals’ mental and physical health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, and even premature death. Sadly, it disproportionately affects Black women, who are often isolated due to societal and structural factors such as racism, sexism, and classism. In a study by the AARP Foundation, 42% of Black women aged 50 and older reported feeling lonely, compared to 25% of white women.
In this month’s episode, Whitnee and I discuss the viral TikTok video of Mayte Lisbeth, the Black woman who tearfully shared her experience of touch-starvation. Lisbeth is a powerful example of how pervasive loneliness is in a society where we’re more connected than ever before through technology. We open up about some of our loneliest moments and where they stemmed from.
For me, motherhood has been an extremely lonely journey at times, particularly as a single woman. Motherhood is often depicted as a time of joy and fulfilment and admitting to not feeling that way can be seen as failure. We often don’t have the space to discuss the shame that comes when our experience does not live up to an idealistic narrative every single day. Whether it’s the physical isolation that comes with being at home with a newborn, the emotional distance that comes with a partner who doesn’t understand, or the feeling of being disconnected from your old life and friends, the reality is that many women feel isolated when those expectations are not met.
For Black women, who are already under unrealistic pressure to be strong, resilient, and unbreakable, acknowledging the impact of loneliness and allowing ourselves and each other to be vulnerable and open, can alleviate the pressure put on us. By starting honest conversations about how we’re feeling, Black women, can use our unique perspectives and experiences to move through difficult times, together.
